


Discoveries

by IngridAnne24



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 01:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12738300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IngridAnne24/pseuds/IngridAnne24
Summary: After her talk with Adam about his bisexuality, Jane decides to do some reflections of her own.





	Discoveries

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted something like this to happen in the last episode because gosh darnit Jane Gloriana Villanueva is bisexual and Jennie Urman can fight me on that.
> 
> I almost explicitly mentioned Petra, but decided that's a separate journey.

It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't. It really wasn't. Adam was very clear about what bisexuality meant, for him, and Jane understood. She knew he wasn't more likely to cheat on her. She knew that.

So why couldn't she stop thinking about it?

Adam's comment, after she pointed out she wasn't attracted to women, if she was sure, that maybe she just hadn't opened herself up to that; it really affected her. One moment she hadn't considered it, then the next she was considering it obsessively. 

She was suddenly looking at women, like really looking at them, and then feeling creepy for looking. Then she felt guilty for feeling creepy, because it didn't mean women who look at other women are creepy. But it was crazy because she almost kissed Lina, her best friend! And Jane could have passed it off as, a friend just being friendly with another friend, a thing girls do. But she knew that was a lie because she was really ready to full-out kiss Lina. The moment leading up to it Jane had felt so warm, her heart was pounding. 

At first Jane had really thought it was just her panicking about her boyfriend being bisexual, that it was her own deep-seeded homo/biphobia that she didn't realize was there. And maybe that was part of it, but it felt like more than that.

And even after she and Adam had worked it out, it still felt odd. But it didn't have anything to do with Adam anymore. Adam's sexuality was insignificant now. But she couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Janey, are you okay?” Xiomara asked. Jane had gone over to her parents' house, wanting to talk to her mother, but as soon as she got there, she hadn't said anything to Xiomara.

“Hm.”

“Jane.”

“I can't stop thinking about what Adam said to me.”

“About him being bisexual? I thought you got over that.”

Jane shook her head. “I did, but that's not it. When we first talked about it, I pointed out I'm not attracted to women-”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you say that?” Xiomara asked. “What purpose did that serve?”

“Well... I wanted to clarify that... I'm not.” As Jane said it, she realized how ridiculous it was. She didn't need to say that, she could have just let her sexuality speak for itself. But she didn't.

“So, anyway, what'd he say?”

“He asked me if I was sure, that maybe I hadn't opened myself up to that.”

“Hm,” Xiomara said softly. “And what'd you say?”

“I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. Except, I did look at our waitress and maybe I did feel something? But I'm not sure if it was just because Adam had said something. I don't remember feeling anything for women before he said anything.”

“Are you sure?”

Jane was starting to hate that question because no, she wasn't sure! And that's what was bothering her so much. She's usually pretty sure about things, until she starts second-guessing her decisions.

“Mom...”

“Janey, I'm serious.”

“Do you think I'm bisexual?” Jane didn't mean to come off sounding so angry, but it did and she could see her mother flinch a little bit.

“I don't know, Jane. I don't know much about it, but I think you need to think about it more because it's clearly really getting to you for some reason.”

Jane relaxed a little bit. Her mom was right.

“If you are... it's not like it'll change anything, not really. You're with Adam.”

“Yeah, but it changes how I perceived any friendships I had with women.”

Xiomara squinted at her. “Does it really?”

“Ma, I almost kissed Lina. Like, really.”

A smile spread across Xiomara's face. “That's so cute.”

“No it's not!” Jane's face felt warm. “I almost kissed my best friend. What if I had screwed that up?”

“And did it?”

Jane scratched the back of her neck. “No, because Lina's great. She did peck me on the lips.”

“And how did you feel?”

“Well, happy she wasn't angry. A little embarrassed.”

“Why did you almost kiss her?”

“We were talking about our relationship, how important and special it was, and then I thought, I thought, that Lina was giving me a look, so I went for it. Turns out I imagined that look.”

Xiomara laughed softly and kissed Jane on her temple. “Whatever you find out, it changes very little. You're still Jane, you'll just know something new about yourself.”

Jane rested her forehead against her mother's shoulder. That's what was scaring her.

When she went home, she quickly gave Mateo a kiss, waved absently at Rafael, before excusing herself to her room. She laid down on the bed and just thought. She thought about the many, many interactions with women she has had, if it felt any different from her interactions with men. Of course she didn't feel attraction to every man she met, so naturally, the same probably could be said for women.

She found it really difficult to decipher if the feelings she felt for women was because of her love (as in appreciation) for women or some other kind of love as well.

The first time she met Lina, she wasn't sure what to make of her. Lina was the opposite of Jane; so free, so confident, a true extrovert. Jane certainly admired her. The first time Lina had undressed in front of Jane, at a sleepover, Jane felt the need to look away. Jane had grown up around women, in a house with only one bathroom; modesty when it came to women was not much of a thing for Jane.

But she still looked away from Lina, feeling guilty for looking at Lina. And Jane was just remembering this. It hadn't seemed odd then, but it did now. Then she was remembering anytime Lina held her hand, that slightly excited feeling Jane got.

She didn't think she was in love with Lina, like she didn't want to be in a relationship with her, but it was very possibly a crush. Lina was the most obvious right now, since Jane had spent most of her childhood with her, but had there been other girls Jane didn't notice until now? Other women?

That night, after Mateo had gone to bed, Jane spent a good portion of night scrolling through articles and forums about bisexuality. Many people talked about the same thing, or similar things, as Jane was feeling right now. She read how people could have preferences, lean towards a certain gender over another, but still be bisexual. 

She kept digging deeper and deeper, falling down a rabbit hole of bisexuality. But it was really starting to make sense. So much sense that she wondered why she didn't see it before. It was so obvious. And it's no wonder Adam was so quick to question her when she pointed out her supposed heterosexuality, because he could see it too.

Without thinking about what time it was, she sent a text to Adam. 'I'm having a crisis'

He texted back a few minutes later. 'about what?'

'i've been thinking about bisexuality a lot lately'

'I thought I cleared things up with you?'

Jane pressed the side of her phone against her head, trying to think of how to word this. She wasn't ready to say it yet, that she might be... different from how she perceived herself, sexuality wise.

'You did. It's just,' she sent that message, saw the typing bubble pop up, then disappear before she started typing again, 'I was thinking about myself.'

'Oh. Do you want to talk?'

'I can do this through text.'

She waited for the bubble, but it never showed up, meaning he was waiting for her. 'how did you know you were bisexual?'

'well when I first went out with that guy in high school it made sense. Like it didn't feel much different than when I dated girls. Different experiences but I felt pretty much the same.'

Jane had never dated girls, so she had no comparison. 'what about before that? Did you ever feel anything for guys, like the same ways you felt for girls? But you didn't realize it until you dated a guy?'

Jane almost had a heart attack when the phone started ringing. She quickly answered it so she wouldn't wake up Mateo.

“You didn't need to call me,” she whispered. 

“I think I did. Jane, I didn't mean to freak you out when I asked if you were sure when you said you weren't attracted to women. It's just... I've known you a long time.”

“What's that mean?”

“I've always said it was bullshit when people say they have gaydar, or bidar, in this case. That said, if someone is gay or bi, I think they have better senses of that because it's recognizing your own. I know it's stupid, and for me, I'm wrong a lot, it's just I had this sense... I didn't mean to offend you.”

Jane sighed. “You didn't.”

“So... Why are you texting me at 2am?”

Jane glanced over at her computer screen. “I was doing some research.”

“Of course you were,” Adam said, chuckling.

“And it just made me reflect on some things. This isn't an easy thing to think about because...” Jane closed her computer, because it was giving her a headache. “Because as you know, I grew up in a Catholic home. My grandmother is super religious, super conservative, my mom, not so much, but even she emphasized me being with men. Being with women was never really brought up as an option. Now, my mom would definitely be fine with it, but she grew up in the same household, brought up by the same ultra conservative woman. I was also raised with a great appreciation for women, which is great, I wouldn't change that at all, but it also complicated things because that love for women made it hard for me to differentiate between different kinds of love. Or even...” Jane lowered her voice even more, “sexual feelings.”

Jane waited for a response, but Adam only said, “go on.”

“I'm not saying I want to be with a woman, because I'm with you. I'm just saying, if I were single, maybe it wouldn't be so bad...”

“I'm proud of you Jane, and just know, labels aren't that--”

“Adam, I think I'm bisexual.”

The word felt loose on her tongue, felt right. She had never explicitly stated her sexuality before, even when she thought she was straight, so it also felt slightly weird. But wonderful. She almost cried before remembering Mateo right next to her.

“Jane, congratulations. Really. I wish I was there so I could hug you.”

“Me too. Adam, thank you.” If it weren't for him, it would have taken years for her to realize this, if it ever happened.

He paused, then said, “you're welcome.”

They said their goodnights. Of course Jane couldn't sleep yet, her head buzzing with thoughts. It felt a little odd to say she was bisexual when she had never dated a woman before, but it didn't change anything. She didn't feel doubts about it. She was bisexual, had always been bisexual, and that was that.


End file.
